I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
