I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
