I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
