It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
