so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
