its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
