I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
