the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
