Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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