I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
