i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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