yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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