When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?