why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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