I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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