She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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