Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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