well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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