two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
