When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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