Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
