Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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