It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
