I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
