Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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