i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
