Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
