hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
