she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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