And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
