Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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