no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
