Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think my moral compass just broke
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
