I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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