Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
