You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
