That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
