drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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