smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just come out here and I will go home with you...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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