Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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