I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When are your genitals available?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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