I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
