So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
