He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
