don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
