At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize