please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
