I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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