come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
