No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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