I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
