I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
