if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just pynch a tree in the face
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
