I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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