Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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