Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
