there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
