What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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