I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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