yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
