so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
