He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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