dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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