He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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