While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize