Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have post one night stand depression
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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