My cat gives me a boner
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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