i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
