i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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