Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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