honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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