But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
