i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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