the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
