i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
