ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
